1987

I turned 6 years old.
Indiana won the NCAA men’s basketball championship.
Reggie Miller began his career for the Indiana Pacers.

I watched tonight as a legend played his last game.  I don’t know the Pacers without Reggie Miller.  For so long Reggie has been the Pacers, which is probably why they’ve never won an NBA championship.  It takes more than one man.  He needed a "Scottie Pippen-ish" counterpart, a right-hand man, if you will.  But, alas, he departs championship-less, but leaves a permanent mark on the state that LOVES its sports and athletes.  Here’s to you Reggie:  thanks for 8 points in 8 seconds (from Josh Shanklin), thanks for all the Knicks games, thanks for game four against Chicago in ‘98 (one of the best live performances I’ve ever seen, and I live in Nashville), thanks for your loyalty to a city, to a people.  We know we’re crazy.

[deep breath]

Where to begin…I’m back in Nashville from being out in Los Angeles for the Origins conference.  I’ve been back for almost a week now, and I jumped right back into work.  I’ve been pretty frustrated at the lack of time to process my trip and the rumblings of my soul.  Plus, I walked back into" living environment chaos".  I didn’t exactly leave my room in order before I left and I came back to papers and bills that needed filed, a floor that desperately needed to be swept and all kinds of disorder in general.  I have this issue with environmental chaos.  If my living quarters are a wreck, I can’t function.  I can’t consentrate becasue it’s so loud.  The room may be quiet as far as ambience goes, but the physical disarry is screaming, and thus prevents me from doing anything constructive.  With that said, things are finally cleaned up, and I’m ready to explore what has been rattling around in my brain and pounding in my soul. 

1. iMosaic

This is a developing community that I am extremely excited about.  There are a group of folks who participate in an ongoing conversation, discussing ideas, encouraging one another and building real, authentic relationships with one another.  I got to meet/see many of these people for the first time out in Los Angeles, because I’ve never seen them before.  They are readers and writers, pastors and barbarians that are a part of the body of Jesus existing in cyber space.  These conversations all happen on Alex McManus’ blog (there is a link to it on the right side of this page).  Soon, the conversations will be moving to www.imosaic.org , an eventual blog server that connects human "threads", advancing the kingdom of God in a wireless community.

       2.  A pending marriage. 

Don’t freak out.  It’s not what you think.  And I can’t really write about it yet.

        3.  Origins

I’m not going to post my notes here, but if you want a copy, let me know.  Some good, good stuff, none of which will tell you "how to do" anything.  That’s not really what Mosaic is about. 

I’ve been able to summerize what God breathed into me last week with these word:

"No, there is not someone else. There is not someone better for this job. No matter how inadequate you feel, no matter what the past may hold, this is what you MUST do. This is what I have destined you to do. Go."

Yahweh communicated more clearly to me last week than he has in a long time.  I understand now that it is truly, truly not about me and that I need to quit harnessing the gifts, strengths and power that have been placed upon this mere human.  It is time to unleash it all in puposeful abandon, dying, everyday, so that the kingdom forcefully advances.   

This is only the beginning…

I want to trip inside your head
Spend the day there…
To hear the things you haven’t said
And see what you might see

I want to hear you when you call
Do you feel anything at all?
I want to see your thoughts take shape
And walk right out

Freedom has a scent
Like the top of a new born baby’s head

The songs are in your eyes
I see them when you smile
I’ve had enough I’m not giving up
On a miracle drug

Of science and the human heart
There is no limit
There is no failure here sweetheart
Just when you quit…

I am you and you are mine
Love makes nonsense of space
And time… will disappear
Love and logic keep us clear
Reason is on our side, love…

The songs are in your eyes
I see them when you smile
I’ve had enough of romantic love
I’d give it up, yeah, I’d give it up
For a miracle, a miracle drug, a miracle drug

God I need your help tonight

Beneath the noise
Below the din
I hear a voice
It’s whispering
In science and in medicine
“I was a stranger
You took me in”

The songs are in your eyes
I see them when you smile
I’ve had enough of romantic love
I’d give it up, yeah, I’d give it up
For a miracle, miracle drug

-u2 "Miracle Drug"

Love and serve…

Imagine: Create [Notes from Sunday]

3 Colors
9 Numbers
12 Notes
26 Letters  (as a writer, I thought I could add this one to the list)

There is always a relm of possibility.

• the ancient text teaches us that we are a unique, distinct creation (as apposed to Hinduism and Buddhism)

• Matthew 25:1-13

- we must be going the right direction with the right equipment
- preparation; the building of character
- at your last breath, you don’t get to go prepare for your future; your life is time dated
- God will not prepare you for the future; we are responsible for preparing ourselves to step into the future that we will create
- two words: forsight and descipline

• Matthew 25:14-30 

- God has entrusted us to maximize our capacities
- God trusts us to decide what to do
- we don’t get to choose our levels of ability, but we are accountable to maximize our capacity
- a wrong view of the Master cripples your ability

• Matthew 25:31-46

- the sheep and goats understood that they belonged to the Living God
- it’s not about belief, but about TRANSFORMATION
- if you want to heal the wounds of God, focus on healing the wounds of humanity
- their hearts loved people because their hearts loved God
- create the good, expand the good

Bigger than Me

5.09.05

Sunday night at the Mayan, Erwin talked about creating our future.  For those immersed in Mosaic, this could elicit the response similar to that of, “oh, the pastor is talking about money again.”  Sometimes it seems like the only thing Erwin ever talks about is creating the future.  But, it is always, always, a fresh message.  More than the speaking, which I’ll write notes out about later, was the experience. 

Alice, one of the interns from last summer, met me at the door.  She and Mariah (Erwin and Kim’s daughter) were at the door to meet Charity and I.  We stepped into the Mayan: a club in downtown L. A. that is decorated and constructed to look like an ancient Mayan temple.  Before I could even sit down though, I ran into Scott and then I ran into Jason.  After finally making it to my seat, I began to watch the big screen up front which showed a video of some dancing ladies from the eighties and Mr. T singing a song about respecting your mamma.  Even during the Mr. T video, before the music, before the dancing, before Erwin; it was as soon as I walked in to that building that I perceived this energy, that Yahweh was in this place, with this holy people.  I was reminded, and to a greater impact than the summer (because I’m actually living on mission now) that I am a part of something much bigger and much grander than me.  That I am small but vital, flawed but effective for the good.  And later, I would be reminded that it is in my power to create my future.  This week is big for us at Mosaic.  I know that for those of us serving in Nashville there is a sense of Carpe Diem.  That God is moving and that we need to strap ourselves in and prepare for the ride of our lives.  Much is being demanded of me right now, but God will not take it.  It must be given to him.  All dreams and hopes and desires that have not been fully informed by the Ruach-Elohim must be given over to death.  There are things in me that still must die in order that I might move forward in creating the future.  I think I have finally been able to understand what it means to fear the LORD, wisdom will hopefully not be far behind. 

Earlier last week Josh wrote these words to me in an email.  They speak well of what we are experiencing:

I am greatly looking forward to our time in LA.  We are in such an integral point in our story, a point where forces are aligning for us and against us.  We are at a point in the cosmos where we will be catapulted forward with a speed that seems numbing, or shackled to a halt.  Either way, the future will be changed, forever.  We must keep pressing forward.  We must not forget why we started this journey.  LA represents a turning point for us as leaders.  We will enter Hollywood once again, but this time we are marked with all that we have learned and lived and tested and discovered.  And although the learning and discovering never ends, we will depart Hollywood, not as we departed last summer, sojourners fresh and ready for the new journey, but as guides humbly displaying our red badge of courage, united under a new allegiance, prepared to lead all who will dare to follow as we boldly advance the Kingdom of God.

1 Sign, 9 Languages. Welcome to LAX

5.08.05

This morning was the beginning of a five day “vacation” (?) for me.  Jamie and I left the Indianapolis airport at around 7:45 am and found ourselves in Los Angeles about 10:00 am. We are in town for Origins, Mosaic’s leadership conference for Mosaic Alliance leaders, those whose churches have adopted Mosaic’s core values and principles, and those who understand that it is not an option whether or not to live your life on mission if you call yourself a follower of Jesus. The conference doesn’t start until Tuesday, but both Jamie and I had some hanging out to do first with friends that we have here in L. A.

Five of the interns that I worked with last year are still in the L. A. area, doing life with Mosaic.  Two of them are now paid staff and doing good work.  That doesn’t mean the others are idle, for that is not an option when you are a member of Mosaic’s community.  After the celebration last night at the Mayan, we went out for dinner, to catch up and just enjoy our reunion.  When I flew into L. A. it felt much like a homecoming of sorts.  Before last summer, if you would have told me that I would LOVE the city of Los Angeles, I probably would have laughed.  But, when Charity picked me up and we hit the 105 there was this feeling that I was indeed home.  And there was this spirit among us 2004 interns that seemed to speak this bond between us.  We were closer than we had been, even if we hadn’t talked in a while.  Things are new for me, because I’m not the person that I was during our summer together, and neither are they.  We have been unleashed to live our lives on mission, and we are not still sitting in the gate, but moving, in the ever-changing direction and at the ever increasing speed of the Master Creator.

Slow Day at Work

So, if you can’t tell by all of the pictures that suddenly appeared on my typepad, I have purchased a new toy.  It was time for a digital camera, so I picked me up a 7.2 megapixel Sony Cybershot, and boy have we had some fun together.  A couple of slow days in a row at work allowed me to take some fun shots of me and my co-workers and one special interview.  Ladies and Gentlemen, Alexandra Grant Prather (aka, Hallie).

Download hallie_interview.MPG

Why Hollywood, Why?

So, this is a picture of the White Witch from the forthcoming The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe film being release this December.  And along with the first images and preveiws of the movie that are being released come my own series of disappointments and anticipations about the film.  Here in this picture is disappointment number one:  THERE ARE ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY NO POLAR BEARS IN THIS BOOK!   What’s wrong with reindeer?  Creativity begs that reindeer be brought to the screen in a way that is  as frightning as their owner, not that the reindeer are turned into polar bears.  Polar bears!  Aaahhhhh.  [I'm still so excited that if I think about it too much I might pee my pants]

Fear, Love and Self-Preservation

Yesterday was our first Sunday (after last week’s intro) of our "Shut Up and Live" series.  After reading through The Barbarian Way together, we find ourselves at a place where we’re asking, "What’s next?"  What does it look like to begin moving from participation in a civilized religion to living a barbaric faith.  This week we talked about the movement from fear to love.  As Josh and I talked together about the things we fear, we both agreed that our fears were no longer about tangible things, but about intangible things.  There is no more fear of not having a good home, a safe place to live, the latest gadgets, security and certainty.  I fear less and less not having things that can be seen, those things we’ve always been told are necessary for living this sort of "American Dream" we’ve come up with.  Fortunately, I’m committed first to Jesus and second (or third, or fourth, or fifth) to my American citizenship, and am therefore free from the fear of not having that American dream come true.  The things I fear have deepened, they are deeply personal, deeply spiritual (not indicating that the two can be separated, because they can’t).  There is in me a fear of being known and at the same time a fear of not being known, yet these two fears do not cancel each other out.  They are, in actuality, very near to one another.

The fear of being known, the belief that if I truly share all of myself with people then I will inevitably be hurt, judged and rejected, stems from a lack of trust in people.  There is no need to delve into those things that have shaped this lack of trust in me, but there are a number of them, and probably more than I’ve been able to dig up.  Whatever those things are, they have lead me here, where I now stand, believing that God is more merciful and has more grace than his creation, and that people cannot be trusted. 

The fear of not being known stems from the belief that God created us to live in real community.  Therefore, if I refuse to learn to trust others and make myself known, allowing them to enter and share my journey, then I will never live the way God created me to live.  The two fears go hand in hand. 

How do I get from this fear and mistrust to being able to share real, full, God-infused life with others?

By remaining in this place I am only preserving an image of myself that is, at worst, utterly false, and, at best, only a fraction of who I truly am, a fraction of my whole Story.  Why try to preserve that which will be burned up in the end?

Perhaps this is where the answer begins:

When I truly UNDERSTAND and ACCEPT only God’s judgement about who I am, then his PERFECT LOVE  can drive away my fear of what people might say that I am. I think that is a good definition of FREEDOM. I’m not completely there yet, but I’m dreaming and stepping into that dream bit by bit.