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Uncertainty

September 11, 2004

“Wish that I was on old rocky top
Down in the tennessee hills
Ain’t no smoggy smoke on rocky top
Ain’t no telephone bills

Rocky top you’ll always be home sweet home to me
Good ‘ol rocky top
Rocky top tennessee”

Well, sort of. I believe I’m still paying my phone bill. True statement: “ain’t no smoggy smoke”. True statement: “I miss LA”. This weekend I’ve been spending time in Nashville with the individuals that make up the Mosaic community here. Today I went apartment shopping with Mary Lu, my new roommate. Yes, it’s true, I have a home in Tennessee, now about that job thing…

It has been great meeting people I’ve only heard about or talked to on the phone, and to see Josh and Elizabeth again, whom I served alongside at Mosaic Los Angeles. It has been a good reality check to actually see the city in which I will be living. I’ve been to Nashville several times before, but this time I see it in a whole new light. This is my mission field. I’m not a tourist. I’m not here to see the Opryland Hotel, visit the Wildhorse Saloon or to pay a visit to the Hatch print shop. I’m here to make tents (or lattes) and serve God with my life through advancing his kingdom here on earth. It finally occurred to me today, as I signed my life away on this apartment lease, that logically speaking I am insane. I guess Jesus was right, “You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you odd” (or maybe that was my friend Chris Corwin). I’m renting an apartment, however, I don’t know where the rent money is going to come from. It’s not as though I will be jobless, but one can only work for $7.22 an hour for so long and live. Needless to say, the job search is still on. The way I’m seeing things is that I’m in a position where God has to work, or I’m on the street (okay, okay…God has to work or I’m back living at home…right mom?) Logically I’m insane. Biblicallly I’m closer to the path than even I some times think. Uncertain. Temporary. Tentative. Welcome to my life. Oh yeah, and did I mention it’s exciting as hell. That is if the lake of fire isn’t really what it’s all cracked up to be, and hell is really just a place where you can drink all the Coca-Cola Classic you want to with an unending supply of limes and actually lose weight. The followers of Christ that are written about and written to (by Paul, Peter and the like) lived in a constant state of uncertainty. Certainty was something Jesus never promised. We, in America, even as Christians in America, live in uncertainty, yet often we fool ourselves into thinking certainty is something we control. I’m writing on the anniversary of 9/11. Life, American life, the Christian life is uncertain. The way I see it is that we have two choices: we can either do our best to create a false sense of certainty or embrace the uncertainty of living in a defective world, leaning only on the promise that Jesus has and will overcome it.

“I think for most of us we want to see and then we’ll go….and all the while God is saying, ‘If you would just go, then you would begin to see.”

-Erwin McManus

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