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Mysterious Girl in Corner

December 29, 2005

Last Tuesday evening I had the immense privilege of having coffee with one hmb.  Having spent Christmas with her family in Coshocton, Ohio, she continued to see as many friends in the Midwest as possible, post holiday.  That list of people included me, and we were able share some good conversation and a cup of coffee at Soma Coffeehouse in Bloomington. 

Heather and I share a dream.  And that dream is to be the mysterious girl in the corner of the room.  There’s something that she and I both do in order to try and achieve this dream.  Before we go into a social situation we give ourselves a pep talk.  Well, actually, it’s really an anti-pep talk.  She and I did improv comedy at Taylor together.  One thing I noticed about those who ended up trying out for Rice Pilaf was that they were always encouraged by someone or some group of friends who told them that they would be good at it simply because they were funny in everyday situations.  Funny on the fly, sharp witted, never to be out done.  That’s us.  Not because we want to be comics, but because we already are.  It’s in our fashioning.  It’s so natural that we just can’t help it.

The anti-pep talk goes a little something like this, at least for me:

Now Adria, don’t draw attention to yourself tonight.  You don’t need to be loud, you don’t need to make everything funny.  Just people watch and think.  It’s okay if people don’t think that you are fun, or funny. 

So many evenings have ended with me lying in my bed and thinking about what a moron I had been at whatever gathering had just ended.  I was too loud.  Too funny.  Too honest, sometimes.  What is it in me that makes me do this?  I wouldn’t describe myself as attention starved or anything.  It’s just a part of who I am, even if it is a part of me that is a little broken somewhere.  And I’m okay with that.  That doesn’t mean I won’t keep giving myself anti-pep talks.  It doesn’t mean I won’t stop trying to accomplish the dream of being mysterious girl in corner.  It simply means that I’m at peace with God and who I am becoming.  Who he created me to be.  Part of that person is mysterious girl in corner.  Part of that person is just plain hilarious.   

hmb, here’s to our dream of being  quiet souls (which we already are) with an appreciation for our Father’s sense of humor. 

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